Last night I ended up thinking too much about something that had been happening for a while, or rather, something that hadn't been happening. You might have thought that it was stupid and something of little importance, but do you think I have would brought it up if it hadn't meant anything to me? thanks to Jas last night who took my mind off things for a while, I guess you were kind of there for me without knowing it. I had a pretty bad sleep, my chest felt tight, my head kept racing and there may have been a few tears that were shed, I can't quite remember, maybe it was just hayfever. Sigh, I'm beginning to hate it more and more when we sleep on an argument, it's beginning to feel like nothing is cared about anymore. Back then, things used to be resolved on the night, but now they are being brushed away so easily within seconds. In the morning I always receive that apology. What would you say if I didn't want an apology? I keep saying that you don't need to apologise, you couldn't have helped it so there is no fault to be sorry for. I'm feeling like some things are becoming heavily routined and things that I initially loved in the beginning are disappearing. Do you think it's wrong to ask for them back? I guess I tried to, but that failed miserably. When things don't come back naturally...I know that they weren't meant to be. Now I'm left to think that some things should be left in the past as memories, not special gestures as I thought them to be. I guess I never told you how much I cherished and looked forward to it, but I always thought you knew. oh well...it's gone now.

I am not posting this entry with the intention of making you feel guilty or anything of that sort, nor do I want you to change because of what I have written. I am posting it because I just want you to know how I am feeling because I don't get that opportunity to let you know much anymore. You are so wonderful to me that I don't want good things to ever change but now I realise that I am being selfish. Maybe it's my turn to apologise to you for expecting too much so I am sorry for that.