Well, school has started and I'm feeling like I really should be at my first day of work today, but I'm not. Life is at a bit of a standstill for me...I did see this coming though so I probably should have braced myself for the moment. I can't really stand having the job of being a bum much longer...I feel the pressure, like eyes from my mum and family watching my every move as they wait for me to do something productive...maybe it's laziness? well...there goes my new years resolution!

It's scary just thinking about it...need to get over the fear of entering the working life and becoming more independent. I always think the worse whenever it comes to a changing point in my life...entering highschool, taking public transport for the first time, teaching in front of children for the first time and now...finding a real job! Everyone (except my family) tells me to savour my time off and not to rush into a full time job because after you're in, you're pretty much trapped in that full time working lifestyle until you retire...you just kind of get swept away in the flow. Sigh..I just wish that my mum would back off for a bit while I think things through so that I don't make any rash decisions. Although, I do see where she's coming from too..I guess what I have to do is at least try with everything and maybe something great will pop out of nowhere =)

Now for some randomness!!
Need to cut my hair...it's getting really feral and harder to maintain...ew.

I realise that I hate the game DOTA, even though I have never played it.

I love CNY.

Also last night, I was thinking about the past because I ate alot of nougat and couldn't get to sleep so I got thinking about how much I have learnt about myself. I felt that since I left highschool, I really concentrated on being more social and outgoing. Study was still a priority, but being social just made the last four years fly by. During that time I met a lot of new friends who have made me realise what I want in terms of relationships...I'm talking about guys here =) I was pretty clueless about them for a while and reading all those magazines...cleo, cosmo, dolly and girlfriend only confused me more. I met guys and was naive at first...it's funny to think back. There was a point in my life where it seemed that I had more guy friends than girlfriends...I wasn't some pimpette or anything like that...just it was the first time that I had ever interacted with guys without blushing or giggling and I found them interesting and not all that bad, so I made friends with them (nothing more!). Some of them were really good advice givers. Not all guys were dodgy as I had originally thought, although of course I met a few that were. The decent ones and the dodgy ones taught me alot without knowing it...

It's stupid, but I used to always wish for a bf when I was in highschool! haha. I always felt sad and thought that no one liked me =( What I really wanted was a guy as a friend..so sad! Because alot of guys wanted more than friendship, I think I put up a barrier claiming that I was anti-relationship girl. Truth was, I wanted to get to know a guy as a friend first...because I have been brought up to be sure and aware about things before jumping into them. Well anyway, from meeting different guys I learnt that what I looked for in a guy was...

1. Sincerity, someone that liked me 100%
2. Someone that was honest but not blunt in his words (Sensitive)
3. Someone that had confidence in himself and knew his own identity (someone who didn't try to be someone else)
4. Someone that didn't use money excessively to woo girls
5. Someone that wasn't too direct because it's scary and puts a girl on the spot
6. Someone that could be trusted (secrets could be kept and D&M's could be had)
7. Someone that was mature enough to admit that they were wrong when they were wrong and then would try his best to make things right again
8. Someone that wasn't confused about himself (because it only confuses those around him)
9. Someone that knew what they wanted and didn't play stupid games to get what they want
10. someone willing to be your friend before anything else
    

After waiting a long time, I finally met someone that I truly felt comfortable being with. I had never had a boyfriend before but after getting to know him, I realised that he was a friendly person not wanting anything more than just friendship, who was confident, honest and was there to help when I needed it. He slowly helped me to be more confident about relationships and to learn continuously by taking risks and to see things from different perspectives. If I made a mistake, he'd be there to help me get over it. I think that he was the first guy to ever put all his efforts into helping me, which I truly appreciate! He's everything I wanted plus more in a bf. Hehe I don't know why I decided to blog about this suddenly...I guess nougat does strange things to your mind =)

muahs to my bebe and thankyou for everything. I'm sorry for being so unreasonable at times. You are my one and only and I love you heaps! Looking forward to V day =D

(my silly bebe)
xxx